US Declares War On Climate Change

In breaking news, President Obama and the New Speaker of the House, Paul Ryan, have held a joint news conference declaring that Climate Change is an existential threat to the US way of life, and the American Dream.TheBombingofNagasaki

In harmony with the usual bargaining process between the Executive Branch and Congress, the joint announcement covered several issues, designed to appeal to the various factions in Congress in a way that will ensure swift passage of the legislation supporting the War On Climate Change. Here’s an overview:

China is defined as the major threat to Global Warming, and must become Carbon Neutral by 2020.

Russian petroleum products are identified as posing the greatest potential for Carbon Dioxide emissions, and Russia is required to shut down its oilfields immediately, and begin refreezing the arctic to prevent its peat bogs from emitting methane. The US indicates that because Russia needs some help, it will provide unlimited tactical nuclear support, effective immediately, to achieve this freezing and eliminate all Russian products contributing to Climate Change.

The Saudis have welcomed the removal of the Russian petroleum products from the market as a potential boost to impoverished Saudi Princes, some of whom are down to their last few billion dollars. However, the Saudis are skeptical of the US’ attempts, and will send additional funds to their religious leaders to ensure the success of the Wahabi charitable efforts, such as the the Daesh Children’s fund, which trains suicide bombers, to combat Shia (or Iranian) aggression in Western Europe.

The lost Russian petroleum sales will be quickly replaced by US Liquid Natural Gas, supplied to Europe’s freezing Germans under a new Lend/Lease program. There will provide two benefits, the first being the accelerated emergency construction of LNG export terminals at selected areas of the US East Coast. The acceleration will be achieved by eliminating environmental reviews and by expediting export permits under the unconflicted guidance of experts from the oil industry. The second benefit will be the recycling of the German Economic Surplus through the Federal Reserve system as Lease payments on the LNG supplied, before the exporting Gas companies receive their guaranteed price.

Paul Ryan indicated, due to his budgetary experience, that the difference between the remittances from the German government, and the price paid by the US Government under the natural gas price support program would be a mere $100 Billion for the first few years. The deficit is expected to shrink over time, based on the well-known mercantile theory of “lose a little money on every million cubic feet, and make a profit on the total volume.”

China too, will benefit from the US’ export of natural gas, and the trade surplus with China will shrink to a manageable few billion a year, but only if China fully accedes to the ISDS provisions of the TPP. All other clauses in the TPP can be waived for China, just as the WTO rule concerning undemocratic countries was waived for China’s entrance into the WTO under the Democratic President Bill Clinton, in keeping with many other initiatives achieved under President Clinton’s Desk.

The president and Congressional leaders believe these steps will keep the US in the exceptional forefront of Climate Change leadership, and expect almost immediate results.

Finally President Elect Donald Trump, and his Vice-President Hillary Clinton are fully in accord with these proposals, and are ready and able to follow these policies after the irritating process of lying enough to US Citizens to get elected.

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