The Agonist - Humor

Moon grad is world’s worst writer. And he’s proud

Thu, 14 Aug 2008 10:56:21 -0700

Tim Fontaine | San Jose, CA | August 14

Allegheny Times - “Theirs was a New York love, a checkered taxi ride burning rubber, and like the city their passion was open 24/7, steam rising from their bodies like slick streets exhaling warm, moist, white breath through manhole covers stamped ‘Forged by DeLaney Bros., Piscataway, N.J.’”

Moon Township native Garrison Spik has earned international acclaim for crafting one brilliantly god-awful sentence for this year’s Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest, a literary parody competition that challenges writers to come up with the worst opening for an imaginary novel.

Spik’s entry was selected the best — or worst? — among more than 7,000 submissions from writers around the world. The contest, sponsored by the English department at San Jose State University, is in its 26th year.

“I think it’s the Nobel Prize of literature, except on the other end of the spectrum,” said Spik, 41, a 1985 Moon Area High School graduate who lives in Washington, D.C., and works as a communications director for a diamond importer.

New Republican Slogan

Tue, 12 Aug 2008 12:25:33 -0700

A friend in a remote corner of Azerbijan just sent me this link thus proving, if nothing else, the awesome communications reach of the world wide web...

Your pants seem to be a little tight

Mon, 11 Aug 2008 05:29:11 -0700

The Globe and Mail, By Ivor Tossell, August 7

Once every so often, it seems like somebody wakes up in the morning, stretches, looks at themselves in the mirror and says, “I'm going to make the Internet worse today.”

Take the site that sits before me, having floated in from the languid fever swamps of August. It's called NiceCritic, “The Anonymous Way to Send a Helpful Message.” Its purpose is to allow people to send passive-aggressive anonymous e-notes to friends, family, co-workers, neighbours or anyone else they can't bring themselves to criticize directly.

Teh Epic Fail

Sat, 09 Aug 2008 03:59:45 -0700

This is just wrong on so many levels I have to post it.

Oh, man, that poor kid.

Onion puts seriously bad stuff in perspective for a nano-second

Fri, 08 Aug 2008 21:19:58 -0700

August 6

Bush To Olympians: 'Bring Back Lots Of Valuable Gold' -
"Truly, victory and pride are beyond price, but gold is currently going for $916.78 a troy ounce," Bush said in the Rose Garden speech, delivered just hours after he was unable to secure an agreement with the Chinese ambassador to forge the Olympic medals out of debt-relief certificates. more at the link

Mortgage Relief Bill Provisions:
• Congress will set up a special fund to assist owners in purchasing "For Sale" signs
• Newly created "renting" provision enables those who are not financially prepared to own homes to have a place to live
• Everyone who fucked up gets a thousand bucks and we all call it even
• Two thousand families displaced by foreclosure will be supplied with federally owned trailers, pending the eviction of Katrina victims. more at the link

Straight Talk Express Hits Van

Barack Obama: pro-hopes, also supports dreams

Friday Cat Slagging

Fri, 08 Aug 2008 04:15:00 -0700

Almost too tired to yawn...

...work sucks.

Primer on posting on internet sites

Wed, 06 Aug 2008 17:57:15 -0700

Local Idiot To Post Comment On Internet :D

Daily Show: Globetrotting, vacation records show Bush 'cannot stand' White House

Wed, 06 Aug 2008 10:54:55 -0700

David Edwards & Stephen C. Webster | August 6

Raw Story - As President Bush runs his tour of Asia, culminating with a stop at the Olympics in Beijing, Jon Stewart on Tuesday celebrated America's "most traveled president in history," while raising some possible ulterior motives for his White House absenteeism. Simultaneously, the Daily Show host lampooned the administration's strange, sometimes overreaching modifications of the English language.

"It seemed like an ordinary trip for the president, except ..." said Stewart, "it's his 134th visit to a foreign country! It's a record!"

Blowing a party horn, the host added that Bush, "either has a thirst for International knowledge, or is a drug mule... I know there's one way to check, but I'm not going there."

more with video :D

Hell has froze over....

Tue, 05 Aug 2008 17:08:31 -0700

Paris Hilton hits the Front Page!

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

My name is Sean-Paul and I heartily approve this post!

SCHOOL -- 1957 vs. 2007

Sun, 03 Aug 2008 01:37:42 -0700

Scenario: Jack goes quail hunting before school , pulls into school parking lot with shotgun in gun rack.

1957 - Vice Principal comes over, looks at Jack's shotgun, goes to his car and gets his shotgun to show Jack.
2007 - School goes into lock down, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors called in for traumatized students and teachers.

Scenario: Johnny and Mark get into a fistfight after school.

1957 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up buddies.
2007 - Police called, SWAT team arrives, arrests Johnny and Mark. Charge them with assault, both expelled even though Johnny started it.
more after the jump

Why women live longer

Sat, 02 Aug 2008 08:13:48 -0700

What? No Cat Blogging?

Fri, 18 Jul 2008 15:35:08 -0700

This is my current favorite kitten video:

Humor Is Good

Tue, 15 Jul 2008 17:03:34 -0700

Sister Mary Ann, who worked for a home health agency, was out making her rounds visiting homebound patients when she ran out of gas. As luck would have it, a Texaco station was just a block away.

She walked to the station to borrow a gas can and buy some gas. The attendant told her that the only gas can he owned had been loaned out, but she could wait until it was returned. Since Sister Mary Ann was on the way to see a patient, she decided not to wait and walked back to her car.

She looked for something in her car that she could fill with gas and spotted the bedpan she was taking to the patient.

Always resourceful, Sister Mary Ann carried the bedpan to the station, filled it with gasoline, and carried the full bedpan back to her car. As she was pouring the gas into her tank, two Baptists watched from across the street. One of them turned to the other and said, "if it starts, I'm turning Catholic!"

What you are missing at Netroots Nation in Second Life

Tue, 15 Jul 2008 09:27:21 -0700

Crossposted from Left Toon Lane, Bilerico Project & My Left Wing

click to enlarge

Recession-Plagued Nation Demands New Bubble To Invest In

Tue, 15 Jul 2008 05:55:53 -0700

The Onion, July 14

WASHINGTON—A panel of top business leaders testified before Congress about the worsening recession Monday, demanding the government provide Americans with a new irresponsible and largely illusory economic bubble in which to invest.

"What America needs right now is not more talk and long-term strategy, but a concrete way to create more imaginary wealth in the very immediate future," said Thomas Jenkins, CFO of the Boston-area Jenkins Financial Group, a bubble-based investment firm. "We are in a crisis, and that crisis demands an unviable short-term solution."