elevated from the diaries
A Shadow in the City: Confessions of an Undercover Drug Warrior ~by Charles Bowden
Reviewed by Don Henry Ford Jr.

Bowden’s latest sheds light on a dark subject—the life and times of Joey O’Shay, a man who fought on the front lines of this thing we call the war on drugs for the past twenty plus years. When I say dark, I mean dark.

I found myself closing the book to escape—to make sure the world of comfort I now inhabit was still there. But then I was drawn back for more, like some kid peering through fingers at a scary movie, wanting to see, yet not wanting to see, because I know that this is real: the people are real, the blood also, the deception, the lies, the callous disregard for life and family and love, and all those ruined lives, not the least of which is the life of Joey O’Shay.

Bowden digs deep into the mind of Mr. O’Shay and forces the reader to see things most would rather avoid—how those on the cutting edge of this war start out good-hearted well-intentioned people and then are forced to commit evil acts or lose at the game. Each of these acts creates a wound to mind and soul until nothing is left but pain, scars, and awful spirits that torment a man who at his heart may be a good person.

Over time, O'Shay begins to doubt that what he does is effective or the cause just. Two problems: he is so damned good at his job and he knows nothing else. So he continues to fight this war with almost suicidal abandon. But he doesn’t believe in suicide and he’s too good or too lucky at what he does to lose. He looks for death but death is not to be found. All around him, men he considers better than he fall, but the bullets aimed his direction miss the mark, his lies and deceptions go undiscovered, and he is left to endure nights of pain, misery, and tortured dreams, dreams he must bear alone.

Bowden is fearless in his excavation, going where most will not tread and the subject of the book is to be commended for allowing us to see into his world, for he is in fact is the source of the information Bowden uses and also participated in the writing. My only regret is that he cannot reveal his true identity. I think the book will be even more powerful should he choose to do so.

I have one piece of unsolicited advise to the man. The last quarter of the book is a drawn out prayer of redemption of sorts—a redemption none of us—not even the God to which he prays, has to offer. I think most readers will agree that in light of the callousness with which he destroyed lives, albeit at first well-intentioned, his only hope for redemption is to reveal himself to his victims. He has already told the truth to the rest of us, so that is all that remains. It might get him killed, but there are worse fates.

He might be surprised that at least some of us understand.