Your life expectancy is about 30 years. In my opinion, the only things worth doing are the ones you are truly obsessed about. If there is nothing that obsesses you, than something is missing in your life. Of course, what you are obsessed about may change with time.
The Dalai Lama and his buddies would argue that this is the opposite of true "happiness" (and I have argued with some of them about this during some of their visits around here). So what?

Yes, I know what I'm supposed to do with the rest of my life, but I remember very clearly the vertiginous feeling when I didn't; most recently when a serious injury looked to have permanently ended my career some years back (in the end I kicked its ass :).

I don't suppose that's terribly helpful. There are about a million things I could offer right now; like most of the little bits of personal wisdom one might accumulate, I'm not sure any of them would read as particularly more than platitudes or vague zen koans.

One of the most important things I ever did was to write down the dreams I had for the future - even the least probable. I wrote what I thought was pretty wild stuff on my first list in my mid-twenties, but I learned an important and lasting lesson after chalking everything off the list by thirty. I wrote my second list with somewhat more ambition. It's more focused nowadays and still there are three or four (aw hell, twenty) projects that are dancing ahead of me saying "me first!". If you haven't done that, I'd recommend it - but if you have, it's time to drag out the old lists and see if you missed anything that might be worth chalking off. Downtime is a resource, it's the time to do the things you said "I'd love to do that if I weren't so busy" about. Trust that the meaning may well come back into an activity or vocation if you pursue that which once held sincere meaning as if it still did. Try not to just kill time - murder is immoral.

I'd wager you do community or other service, like church, already? That's been great for me. I certainly don't do any service out of altruism but because of the good it does for me. As an added bonus I get to look like a nice guy while actually being quite selfish :)

Good luck, Scott. The world needs folks like you in a million places right now. You'll find the right one - or the right one will eventually get fed up and call.

I tend to trust those who are uncertain rather than certain. Life is a big mystery, isn't it? Our purpose in life is a big mystery, most of the time, isn't it? How can we all be certain of our direction and purpose, especially reflecting over 50 years of life (I'm 56)?

I do find it's easier to follow my heart now, and I am less inclined to please others, whether it's friends or clients.

Questioning now is good. I'm inclined to think the questions are more important that the answers. Questions keep us nimble, maybe even ready, for what next mysterious thing comes our way.

a hankering to do, but didn't have the time? Hobbies that stretch your imagination and thinking processes become more important with aging--the brain is like a muscle and unless it's exercised regularly, it detriorates. Using it may help to offset Alzheimer's or at least you'd be aware of its onset. When caught early, there is medication that helps to slow its progress.

Is there anything you'd like to know more about? I.e. photography, making things: cabinetry, ships in a bottle, astronomy, geneology (tracing your family roots), journalism (how to write stories, fiction and nonfiction) ... many things one can make.

Whatever you do, now is the time in life to expand your knowledge. Volunteer to do something...committee work, tutor someone, or just share your knowledge and time with someone.

Purpose evolves naturally by being engaged.

should have been in the prayer book.

http://mauberly.blogspot.com/

Last year, I walked away from a salaried plus commission job - one with all the perqs like insurance, vacations, etc. I was given a shot at my dream job - travel writing. I worked on one book for the publisher, and when it was done, I received a call from that former employer, offering me a pretty nice deal. As my daughter was newly pregnant, it fit well into my plans.

After 10 months of being back in a traditional setting, I found I could no longer work like that. In 3 weeks, I'm leaving for Montana, Wyoming and the Dakotas, to resume the job of travel writer. No salary, I pay for everything, but....it offers freedom, travel and doing what I love. The money can be very good, and at this stage, taking chances is less threatening.

I'm too young for all the senior entitlements, so will have the cost of insurance, etc., but....I'm a widow, kids are grown...why the heck not! The added attraction....everything I do is tax deductible, including the RV I'm going to be buying.

Who says you can't find your dream after 50?

think I was the only one out there with questions. There have been some very good comments on this post, thank you.

There was a time in my life, before I met Mary, when I worked pretty hard at not having any expectations. Kind of a zen take what comes and try to figure out what god is trying to work in one's life type attitude.

"If there is nothing that obsesses you, than something is missing in your life." I don't have anything in my life that obsesses me tho there are some things I want to try my hand at, like writing SciFi, but nothing that occupies all my thoughts and energy.

After 27 months of unemployment I was hired on as a "seasonal" employee with the city parks department and I enjoyed the work, mostly outside, and the people too but at $10/hr and if Mary didn't make a good living we could not have made it.

And being 50, I don't want to kill any time because the passage of time has gained a new meaning for me as I have aged.

Gotta go make coffee, will be back later.

_{"I beseech you in the bowels of christ think it possible you may be mistaken."}

The question sounds to me like part of a typical midlife crisis, which generally has two dimensions, one relating to the past and one to the future. The one relating to the past is essentially, "What have I missed and still need to do" while I"m still young enough? The later is, "What is the purpose of life and how do I meet it?" before the curtain comes down.

The first question is often answered immaturely by trying to recapture one's youth at the risk of making a fool of oneself. This is the trap to be avoided while also getting priorities accomplished while you are still able.

The second question is the important one. The simple answer is that the purpose of life is to discover the purpose of life. It's what the human condition is about and what theologians, philosophers, artists, literati, etc., occupy themselves with. There are many answers.

The answers fall into two major classes: authority and reason. Authorities include avatars, spiritual masters, prophets and saints claim to speak from a higher level about the purpose of life in terms of a dimension that transcends ordinary experience and reasoning. Rational answers rely on human discernment (heart) and discrimination (intellect). Generally, the search for the purpose of life involves investigating such solutions in terms of one's best intuitions (heart) and reasoning (intellect), and testing them by experience.

In the broader sense, this is the inner quest that everyone is on, whether consciously or not. Often, it becomes conscious at the time of the mid-life crisis.

May the Force be with you.

Hey Scott, I hear you. I'm ten years younger but the midlife crisis is calling. But f&^k ships in a bottle, that's retirement, and we're nowhere near that, right? I figure we should continue to use whatever meagre talents we have for the benefit of others, as far as we can - if that means you writing a kick-ass sci-fi novel then by all means please do, I love sci-fi. But no need for obsessions, if you don't have 'em. Life presses in from all directions anyhow. Love, kindness, learning, the enjoyment of the beauty of nature, sensual pleasure and the overthrow of the global capitalist system are my main priorities ;-) and there's a lifetime of failure right there!

And remember "there is nothing to attain".

Don't worry about what you are to "do". What you are is what is important. Not defined by what you do or achieve, but by who you are as a human being.

The doing will come again.

Namaste. ;^)

“It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is the most adaptable to change.”

Charles Darwin

I'm a bit older, at 55, and I've had a lot of thoughts along these lines, too. I'll share them, as they might spark some thoughts for you as well.

I've been fortunate to do work that I rather enjoy and which has kept my family pretty comfortable, but is not what I consider meaningful. The work is needed for the continued functioning of a fairly benign corporation -- it could be a lot worse, but it is not what I would characterize as leading to a better world.

In the years ahead, I would love to find a job where I can transfer some of the skills I have learned on the corporate treadmill to a purpose more in line with my ideals. Perhaps the right kind of nonprofit, or something related to renewable/sustainable energy. I would and could take a pay cut for the right opportunity.

So I keep up my local networks (I want to stay local) with an eye toward spotting such an opportunity.

At the same time, I feel strongly that we are all heading into a very difficult and challenging time, characterized by fossil fuel depletion, climate crises, and attendant financial collapse. Our generation will be the "elders" during this crisis, with an opportunity to help steer society toward the best, or "least-worst" choices that will face us.

If you are blogging here, you are informed and politically astute, and will be needed in the times ahead. To prepare ourselves, we sould stay informed and connected to one another, in local "in the flesh" organizations as well as internet networks.

I am 58 years old.
I see my life as a person who helps everyone.
I don't make any money.
I sleep at night.
I do everything I can to help people.
I might not make much money, but I feel great.
My trade has a reputation of robing people.
HVAC is the biggest rip-off in our lives after the DOW.

_{repressive governments mix administrative clumsiness & inefficiency with authoritarian tendencies.}

you need to work for the parks department to truly appreciate people being paid for doing nothing, ie. ripping off the public. And I know hvac people do more than nothing.

_{"I beseech you in the bowels of christ think it possible you may be mistaken."}

I'm 55. My life (career, job, marriage) fell apart at 50. Drastically.

The first couple years can be characterized as realizing that most of the fears that motivate us don't mean diddly. What the fuck does your net worth mean if you're threatened (very seriously) with losing your child? Or what the fuck use is it in protecting your reputation as a "guru" in a market that isn't doing any business (except, in my case, with spammers)?

Well, I survived the divorce lawyers (got 50% custody), and found work that pays about what I got when I was first out of school (that's about a 90% pay cut).

About 1 day a week, I suffer the same apprehensions. The rest of the time, I'm just glad I finally realized that the fears that used to wake me up with an adrenaline rush at 5:30 every morning were a crock of shit. Between our biological and social programming, we are primed to react to a late bill payment the same way we would respond to being attacked by a bear. A true crisis (thanks, Naomi Klein, but I already knew that) prompts severe re-evaluation.

So mostly I rephrase the question as "what am I going to be when I finally grow up?" (and trust that I never do).

[The 'keeping busy' comments are interesting: if you're staying busy as mental / physical exercise, that's great; if you're being busy to avoid confronting something, stop now.]

Revision to my previous response, now that you've added details, it seems what you’re really asking, “What makes life worthwhile?”

I’d say each person has to find within him or herself what it is they value and gives them a feeling of achievement.

It does not matter whether you build ships in a bottle, or invent a cure for cancer, because each is based on maximizing their abilities. Self actualization and fulfillment comes with trying to do the very best one can. Happiness and fullment are byproducts. Google for 'purpose' and there is no definitive answer, but lots of self-help gurus and self-help books pop up.

The weirdest thing about the most intelligent animal on the planet, mankind, is that 'every' person on this planet has to strike out and find their own path. We start as babies with inborn characteristics such as degree of intelligence, physical and other mental attributes inherited from our parents and ancestors, added are experiences and education that shape ultimately whom we become. While we’re striving to become, did we lend a hand to anyone else? Are you able to enjoy the simple, free things of life? Nature provides a bounty of inspiration. But so too does the sound of a child’s laughter, a hug from a loved one, a sense of peace found in churches, and/or appreciated sunsets or the perfection found in a flower. Breath deep, all those things are around you and have been available throughout life as well as people that love you for no apparent reason other than they just do—what’s more each of us responds to love not based on logic or any conscious plan.

The vexing conundrum life presents, the more you search for purpose, the more elusive it becomes, however, you'll instantly know when you've found it.

that whenever an exquistely talented and very smart fellow starts questioning god and life and everything in the busy run-up to the holiday, I'm less apt to consider the symptoms of mid-life crisis and more likely to diagnose guilt-ridden procrastination. Get to the dreaded mall, Scott. It's December, old dawg. Very few days left 'til Xmas.

At 47 I'm in this boat too. Cheerfully putting it off until the divorce is final and the cards are paid down.

The movie "Seconds" is a hoot: Rock Hudson has a mid-life crisis and buys himself a new life. By John Frankenheimer, '66, a few years after Manchurian Candidate. It's also got body horror. And it's in B&W. It ends with Rock screaming at the camera.

Forget it, Jake - it's AmnesiaTown