
Few people know this, for it was not designed to be believed. I have these facts from an anonymous inside source that promises it is all true.
The mysterious white powder in the vial that Colin Powell held up at the United Nations was filled with a powerful hallucinogen, LSD, mixed with the most addictive form of crack cocaine available in the D.C. area.
They called it "Nuclear Mushroom Cloud," for its amazing potency and its deadly allure. Originally imported from Israel by long-haired Likudniks with a shipment of meth-hummus, "Shroom-Cloud" quickly became a favorite drug at neocon bisexual child-prostitute orgies that dominated the Washington social scene during the Bush administration's heyday.
Unfortunately, NMC's amazing, sexual free-for-all highs were offset by a host of unsavory side-effects. These included terrible headaches, stuttering, forgetfulness, verbal lapses, paranoia, sudden violent outbursts, face shootings, megalomania, irrational hatred of science and nature, total disregard for the law, secrecy, collecting expensive shoes, and a tendency to seek out foreign conflicts.
more after the jump
Today many in the administration have managed to tear themselves free of NMC's soul-eating influence, but aftereffects linger. We see bitterness, anger, depression, along with a longing for the good-old days of wild, animalistic child-prostitute sex. Some think another war might cheer them up, but others have resigned themselves to a long and painful future of cold-turkey, the vanilla oatmeal drudgery of lobbyist bribes and no-bid contracts. The drug itself is still available from the RNC, but fewer and fewer are buying it.
It's sad to watch people struggle against the worst effects of "Cloud." Some have tried to quit and failed, finding themselves hooked on painkillers like OxyContin. Others appear to tolerate the side effects, but continue to produce more and crazier outbursts of supremely self-important, paranoid gibberish.
It has been rumored that a presidential candidate is even considering running his campaign with staffers stoked on NMC, but my source could not confirm that. I'll stay in touch with him, and wish him luck.