Spank Your Satan!


I smell a video game.

The Pope has ordered his bishops to set up exorcism squads to tackle the rise of Satanism.

Vatican chiefs are concerned at what they see as an increased interest in the occult.

They have introduced courses for priests to combat what they call the most extreme form of "Godlessness."

Each bishop is to be told to have in his diocese a number of priests trained to fight demonic possession.

Daily Mail

This year Vatican Entertainment(TM) will release GodSquad 2008, which will feature a team of crack Vatican exorcists armed with a variety of weapons, from the ever-popular BFG (Biggus Fictitious Godsmackdownus) to the new HST (Holy Shit Taser), which packs a wholloping 500,000 Watts of sin-cleansing, demon-detonating, Papal-approved power.

Or you can just use the shotgun.

Either way, you'll get your pulse-pounding, waterboarding, Satan-spanking satisfaction by blowing up level after level of cyber-mosques, Greenpeace militants, dirty liberal hippies, lawyers, Democrats and whoever else the Devil has gotten into...

You be the judge, jury and the executioner, and it's all legal because the Pope said so.

And if that uppity wife of yours shows up, well, none of it's real anyway, so you can blow her away too! Especially if she interrupts you just as your about to blow up a Fifth-Level AlGore that's spreading his sticky science gobbledygook to take away your guns and your sacred SUV.

This year you can send 'em all to hell with GodSquad 2008. Available for PC, Wii and xBox Extremist. Pre-purchaces will receive six bonus Indulgences. Spank your Satan all day, every day, with Papal approval. Supplies will be limited, so get your own GS 2008 before the brown people grab 'em!

UPDATE: New emphasis on exorcism? Vatican denies report ~ tina


Jimbo92107 December 29, 2007 - 11:45am

He said the Pope wants to restore a prayer seen as protection against evil that was traditionally recited at the end of Catholic Masses. The prayer, to St Michael the Archangel, was dropped in the 1960s by Pope John XXIII.

Part of the Leonine prayers, instituted in 1884 by that champion of democracy, Leo XIII, who also authored "Testem Benevolentiae Nostrae"

Petronius December 29, 2007 - 2:21pm
mauberly December 29, 2007 - 8:17pm

xlink - Rival priests do battle in Bethlehem church


"The best-informed man is not necessarily the wisest. Indeed there is a danger that precisely in the multiplicity of his knowledge he will lose sight of what is essential."

- Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Escher Sketch December 29, 2007 - 3:09pm

It's that psychic picture impression thing. Past positive results in the supremely evil category are Alberto Gonzales, John Yoo, Leo Strauss. Recent positives in the good guy category are Chris Dodd, Ron Paul and that new congressman Webb.
However the evil emanating from that man surpasses all of those previously mentioned in the evil category.

I also think they wouldn't know true evil as it manifests itself through todays technology.

Lasthorseman December 29, 2007 - 8:07pm

but it'd probably make a decent game and sell well. The Vatican should definitely hire Bioware to do it.

Ian Welsh December 29, 2007 - 8:58pm

http://podblack.wordpress.com/2007/12/30/potter-pope-and-all-that-exo-fiction/

As you can see, one enthusiast for exorcisms does not a Papal mandate make. Podblack.

podblack December 29, 2007 - 10:09pm

for the heads up :)

Tina December 30, 2007 - 11:28am

to stamp out demonic possession.

Have you looked at the guy?


"The best-informed man is not necessarily the wisest. Indeed there is a danger that precisely in the multiplicity of his knowledge he will lose sight of what is essential."

- Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Escher Sketch December 29, 2007 - 10:52pm

as Ratzinger. The name captures his essential nature better, I think.

Ian Welsh December 30, 2007 - 2:36am


"The best-informed man is not necessarily the wisest. Indeed there is a danger that precisely in the multiplicity of his knowledge he will lose sight of what is essential."

- Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Escher Sketch December 30, 2007 - 4:03am

Is that Zell Miller in a Santa suit or the emperor from Star Wars in his Sunday best?

Doug Richardson December 30, 2007 - 10:20am

I guess serving a pope is a milliner's dream. Can't wait for that 40-lb. beehive crown to make a comeback...;)

"Lord! What Fools these Mortals be!"

Doug Richardson December 30, 2007 - 11:39am

Golly, it seems like this call to arms is a lot stronger than the reaction to priests buggering little boys; but I guess that's nothing to do with sin, satanism, ungodly behavior and what not. I mean did they have specially trained priests to spot abuse in every diocese? Did they institute any special prayers to stop the perps? Obviously, buggering little boys and girls by "celibate" priests is not a problem for the church because the Church has lawyers to take care of that! Lawyers, however, are no match for the threat of unchristian/non-catholic spiritualism; fighting that kind of thing can only be done by specially trained priests and specially resurrected prayers.

Joaquin December 31, 2007 - 2:57pm

Planned Polish Exorcism Center Sparks Interest in Germany

Catholic Church officials in Poland have given their blessing to a new exorcism center. While the topic's been taboo in neighboring Germany, it looks like the center might get quite a few visitors from across the border.

When Polish daily Gazeta Wyborcza reported in December that the country's Catholic Church had approved plans for an exorcism center in the town of Poczernin near Stettin, the news was gleefully pounced upon in Germany.

Andrzej Trojanowski, the Stettin-based Catholic priest behind the project, insists that there is nothing unusual about the center, which he says is still only in its planning phase.

"The media call it an exorcism center, I call it a spiritual retreat," he said.

But while dismissing the newspaper reports as sensationalist, he conceded that he was indeed a practising exorcist, and said he did not rule out the possibility of visitors to the center who believe they are possessed by Satan.

"Then I would pray with them for their spiritual liberation," he said.

Meanwhile, German daily Märkische Allgemeine quoted Father Marian Piatkowski, the regional coordinator of Polish exorcists in Stettin, as saying that Poland most definitely needs more exorcists.

"Ideally, each deanery would have one," he argued.

much more at Deutsch Welle

Tina January 23, 2008 - 3:20pm

that make me weep that the Monty Python crew isn't working on new stuff any more. Can you just imagine what they could do with this?

"Lord! What Fools these Mortals be!"

Doug Richardson January 25, 2008 - 5:55pm

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