Whiplash Declines Job as Head of World Bank


Citing his own advancing age and political differences with the Bush administration, Snidely M. Whiplash, Esq. declined the position of President of the World Bank, as replacement for resigning President Paul Wolfowitz.

Whiplash, considered by many to be the true father of the modern conservative movement, first arrived on the public scene in the mid-1960's during repeated clashes with Canadian law enforcement over what he called "mortgage reform issues." The main disagreement centered on his collection methods, which were regarded as excessive.

Later Whiplash was recognized as the inspiration for several long-term conservative initiatives, including perpetual tax cuts, wage cuts, benefits cuts, limb severance, mortgage reform, tying women to railroad tracks and drowning things in bathtubs.

While widely regarded as the mentor of Leo Strauss and Irving Kristol, Whiplash claims that his methods were far more civil than those employed by his philosophical heirs apparent in the Bush administration.

"Let's face it," he said, "I was a two-dimensional cartoon, so nobody took my threats too seriously."

He twirled his famous mustache. more after the jump

"I may have attempted some...unseemly things - always to prove a point - but at the end of each episode I was dutifully foiled by that Dudley Do-Right fellow, and after the show we'd all go out for a friendly beer," he said.

Whiplash contrasted that with the behavior of the Bush administration.

"These people don't seem to recognize the difference between fantasy and reality," he chided. "Why, the other night I saw a Republican 'debate' where Brit Hume framed a question from a scenario right out of that goofy rightwing fantasy show, '24.' Tell me now, who is the cartoon here, me, or Brit Hume?"

Whiplash tossed his cape melodramatically and strode from the room. Apparently, the interview was over.

The End..?


Jimbo92107 May 19, 2007 - 7:47am
( categories: Humor & Satire )

There is nothing conservative about the group that is lead by Bush/Cheney. They have no desire for liberty or capitalism. Their goal is Mussolini's Corporativo Estado, with a strong flavoring of an aristocracy. Fascism is an economic philosophy, one which blends an all powerful state with corporations until the two are practically indistinguishable in their roles and control.

The "Modern Conservative Movement" is a euphemism for the Fascist Party of America.

m May 19, 2007 - 11:24am

The libertarian rhetoric of the convervatives has generally or always been a front (perhaps Goldwater was an exception, at least in some respects, but much of his support was not). Look at Reagan: for all that property rights are supposed to be sacred to the conservatives, for the sake of the War on Drugs it turned out that property could be confiscated without a legal determination of guilt. For all that the family is sacred, and state-sponsored schools suspects, public schools were made to encourage children to turn in their parents for possession of drug paraphenalia or for other evidence of drug use. Before that, look at Nixon: an authoritarian by any standard. Even under Eisenhower, the "good" Republican, the government got deeply involved in massive covert operations against and experiments on its own people (Cointelpro, MK Ultra). Admittedly, those programs continued through the great liberal administrations of the sixties - the Dems are not what they are cracked up to be either - but it seems to be the Republicans that always up the ante.

Martin Bento May 19, 2007 - 2:36pm

None of the recent presidents have a good track record when it comes to human rights. In the aggregate, the Democrats represent a somewhat slower road to fascism than the Republicans do. But probably just as sure a destination. Cointelpro was formalized under Eisenhower's presidency, but the basic tactics go back to at least Roosevelt and Truman. Under LBJ Cointelpro went from one agency to six.

There does seem to be a fundamental (pun intended) change in the Republican party over the past 25 years or so. Rational discourse seems to have lost all meaning. Smears have always been a part of politics, but the magnitude of their brazenness has reached new highs.
Religion has been co-opted to include political beliefs without question on a national scale. Covering up crimes by members of one's own party is incredibly blatant. Rostenkowski was nailed for $8000 in abuse of postal funds. Cunningham stole over $700,000,000 (his share was $2.4 million) from the DOD in time of war, was defended until the end, and is still defended by some Republicans today.

There used to be at least an appearance of concern for what was best for the nation. The so called conservatives no longer seem to even care to put themselves in costume.

m May 19, 2007 - 7:12pm

it's what fascism becomes when it discovers focus groups and marketing.

Escher Sketch May 19, 2007 - 3:14pm

They made it quite obvious who was the bad guy: He wore a black hat (like Jack Abramoff) and had a sinister mustache (like Bolton) and he had an arrogant way of speaking, insisted on torturing people...

Hey, these Republicans are Bad Guys!

"Death before being dishonored any more." - Col. Ted Westhusing

Jimbo92107 May 19, 2007 - 4:50pm

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