By Hannes Artens

Yesterday Robert Fox wrote in The Guardian's "Comment is Free":

"The announcement that General David Petraeus is to take over at US central command, and his former deputy, Lieutenant General Ray Odierno, will succeed him in the coalition command in Baghdad is the political development of the week for the US. It matters no less for Britain and much of the Middle East, Africa and Asia."

On no, how can the man be so wrong? Well, he's British so he might be forgiven for thinking that world politics and international relations really matter these days, let alone the replacement of Adm. William Fallon, the man who according to The Esquire stood between war and peace with Iran, with Gen. David Petreaus, President Bush's subservient hawk and carnival barker of "the surge" and the "special groups," to constitute the political development of the week in the U.S..

Let's together take a look at hillaryclinton.com - "100,000+ Donors since Pennsylvania" and "Chelsea Clinton Tours Indiana" - and barackobama.com - "Superdelegate Audra Ostergard Announces Support for Obama" - to ascertain what really is this week's news (Mr. Fox and I may be forgiven for asking ourselves, who the f* is Audra Ostergard?). What a presumptuous expectation to believe anything could divert the American audience from the diverting nail-biter, the drawn-out-to-eternity, modern version of the showdown on the O.K. Corral between Barack "Wyatt" Obama and Hillary "McLaury" Clinton?

But let's for a moment forgive us hopelessly internationalist, too-French-to-appreciate-a-good-gunfight Europeans to briefly discuss this week's second most important political development, the rise of Gen. David Petraeus from Commanding General MNF-I to CENTCOM Commander and its possible implications.

I might take a quantum of solace in the fact that I've stated here on The Agonist that Adm. Fallon will be sacked in favor of Gen. Petraeus even before the former officially resigned - that's about the only solace I'm allowed this week, though. There can be no doubt that the nomination of Gen. Petraeus for CENTCOM Commander is a significant (and expected) turn for the worse, both in Iraq and for U.S.-Iranian relations.

First and foremost, the rise of David Petraeus constitutes a cementation of President Bush's legacy of staying course in Iraq no matter what well beyond January 20, 2009. No next American president, be it McCain, Clinton (none of these two will have any objections against Petraeus, quite the contrary, I dare speculate) or Obama, can afford to sack such a popular CENTCOM Commander during the first year.

The nomination of Petraeus also highlights the fact that President Bush feels confident about the American public having bought into the narrative that the surge is working. His timing couldn't be better as the still-going-after-each-others'-throats Democratic candidates won't jeopardize the confirmation hearings of Petraeus and Odiernos in the Senate scheduled for May. On the contrary, these will provide John McCain with another welcome opportunity to blazon forth his military experience.

With the architect of the surge in charge in Tampa (or rather Qatar for that matter) then even the most idealistic Democratic activist should start to accommodate him/herself to the fact that the U.S. will still have troops in Iraq in 2013 - for neither John McCain nor Hillary Clinton will want to withdraw them, and Barack Obama will find it politically and strategically impossible to do so. Having someone like Gen. Petraeus as his CENTCOM Commander is just another stone in a whole mosaic of reasons why a President Obama will not be able to walk the talk (as much as he may want to deliver on his promises).

Concerning Afghanistan, The New York Times writes:

"The nomination of General Petraeus could, however, portend a renewed American focus on Afghanistan, where the American war effort is widely recognized to be lagging, with violence by the Taliban and Al Qaeda on the rise."

I don't know how they come to this conclusion, and I disagree with it. Petraeus won't have more troops at his disposal than he already has, and given his Bush-inherited obsession with Iraq, I can't imagine him prioritizing Afghanistan over Iraq. He may apply some strategies that have (cosmetically) worked in Iraq to Afghanistan, but a bold and necessary swap of troop levels, down in Iraq and up in Afghanistan, we won't see happening under Petraeus' watch.

Considerably more troubling than the future of the engagements in Iraq and Afghanistan is the Petraeus nomination for U.S.-Iranian relations. If his rise is a confirmation of the American public at large having accepted the working-surge-fairy-tale, it also gives ample reason to fear that another narrative he is sponsoring is gaining ever wider acceptance: the old wives' tale of the bogeyman Iran and its "special groups" being behind American misfortune in Iraq, and the U.S. actually fighting a proxy war against Iran at the Euphrates and the Tigris.

How this deliberate distortion of facts and gross lies is increasingly gaining ground among no-lessons-learned American media, is exemplarily demonstrated again by William Kristol's paper of choice, The New York Times:

"Nearly three-quarters of the attacks that kill or wound American soldiers in Baghdad are carried out by Iranian-backed Shiite groups, the United States military said Wednesday.

Senior officers in the American division that secures the capital said that 73 percent of fatal and other harmful attacks on American troops in the past year were caused by roadside bombs planted by so-called "special groups."

The otherwise rather cool-headed SecDef Robert Gates went even a step further than Petraeus in directly accusing Iran: "And it is a hard position because what the Iranians are doing was killing American servicemen."

Gareth Porter enlightens us on some underreported aspects of Vice President Cheney's recent "peace trip" to the region:

"Cheney aggressively solicited political support from Turkish leaders for a U.S. strike against Iranian nuclear facilities during his visit to Turkey last month, according to a source familiar with Cheney's meeting in Ankara. Cheney was "very aggressive" in asking Turkish Prime Minister Recep Tayyip Erdogan and President Abdullah Gul, as well as Turkey's chief of general staff Gen. Yasar Bukyukanit, to get "on board" with such an attack, according to the source, who has access to reports from the Cheney visit. Cheney indicated that Turkey had been added to the trip at the last minute, suggesting that the decision to visit Ankara was linked to the Fallon resignation.

After the meeting between Cheney and King Abdullah on the same trip, Saudi sources let it be known to the media that Abdullah had told Cheney that his government opposed any U.S. military strike against Iran. That suggested that Cheney had brought up the military option in Riyadh as well.

One of Cheney's main objectives on the trip appears to have been to get the message to Iran that the option of a strike against its nuclear facilities is still very much alive."

(Some advice at no charge for Dick: I don't claim to be an expert on Saudi Arabia, but I happen to know a thing or two about Turkey. Forget Ankara ever coming on board in this, no matter how aggressively you're asking for it).

Although Gen. Petraeus can boast a formidable record sheet as President Bush's loudest mouthpiece in preparing the public for the need to take Iran to task, I don't belong to those who see his nomination as an indication for war with Iran being just around the corner. Despite this month's developments I still see the Iran issue to be inherited by Bush's successor. And in this regard the Petraeus nomination means

• for a John McCain Presidency that the stage is set for a showdown with Iran


• for a Hillary Clinton Presidency (for Hillary's recently announced Iran policy, see here) a continuation of the endless saber rattling, no substantial talks between Washington and Tehran, a gradual deterioration of relations that could easily lead to armed hostilities, and if Iran were to acquire a nuclear bomb one day, a regime of rigorous deterrence


• and for a Barack Obama Presidency as many obstacles as possible to be put in his way of opening up to Iran, which may result in the initiative to already fail before it was ever given a chance

No, Petraeus' CENTCOM Command may not indicate the B-2s to be given immediate orders for Tehran, but it clearly stands for a continuation of failed strategies in Iraq and Afghanistan, for a rapprochement with Iran moving beyond reach, and for war with Iran before 2010 having become more likely if complemented with a John McCain or Hillary Clinton Presidency.

And for all of you, who after these lines still don't know who Gen. Petraeus is and what it may mean to have him as the new CENTCOM Commander, a brief profile from my friend, Curmudgette:

• General Petraeus's tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.


• When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for General Petraeus.


• General Petraeus can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "hooah."


• General Petraeus does not sleep. He waits.


• General Petraeus once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually is "his" way.


• General Petraeus took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours. If you're thinking to yourself, "That's impossible. I already lost my virginity," then you are dead wrong.


• General Petraeus can slam revolving doors.


• General Petraeus doesn't have hair on his testicles, because hair does not grow on steel.


• General Petraeus counted to infinity - twice.


• When General Petraeus exercises, the machine gets stronger.


• General Petraeus is allowed to talk about Fight Club.


• General Petraeus sleeps with a night light. Not because General Petraeus is afraid of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of General Petraeus.


• Water boils faster when General Petraeus watches it.


• If General Petraeus is late, time better slow the fuck down.


• When General Petraeus jumps in a lake, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Petraeus.


• General Petraeus once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.


• General Petraeus refers to himself in fourth person.


• Superman owns a pair of General Petraeus pajamas.


• As a child, General Petraeus played Hungry Hungry Hippos with real hippos.


• General Petraeus's sperm can penetrate 13 condoms, the birth control pill, a brick wall, and the 1975 Pittsburgh Steelers offensive line in order to impregnate a woman.


• General Petraeus always gets blackjack. Even when he's playing poker.


• The only thing we have to fear is fear itself... The only thing fear has to fear is General Petraeus.

And now you're free to return to the "Hillary and Barack Show"

--
Hannes Artens is the author of The Writing on the Wall, the first anti-Iran-war novel.