1. Always be negative. Don’t actually focus on the issue during a debate. It’s much better to attack your opponent on a personal level. Character assassination is easier, more likely to make you look like you have the moral high ground, and allows you to avoid actually debating the issue.

2. Dismiss celebrity opinions. Explain to everyone that their opinion is that of Liberal Hollywood and thus out of touch with mainstream America, even though your position is just as far to the right as theirs is to left. An exception to this rule is allowed if it happens to be a conservative celebrity like Charleton Heston or Ted Nugent.

3. Do everything you can to win an election except for actually try to get more votes. Order recounts to be stopped if the Democrat appears to be winning. Gerrymander like there’s no tomorrow. If you have to, make congressional districts look like snakes and barbells as long as it succeeds in taking any area where people may vote Democrat and severing it into small pieces that you have absorbed into solidly Republican constituencies. If anyone calls you on it, bring up the Presidential Election of 1960, even though wrongdoing on the Democratic side was never proven.

4. Create an economic situation that bankrupts a state’s treasury and then launch a recall election against the Democratic governor for the financial troubles of the state.

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