Sapphire Wedding Ring, Engagement Ring After Wedding ?

Q: I really need help with this. As an engagement ring, I am wearing my late grandmother's diamond wedding ring. It is lovely, but it is gold, which I really don't like. We wanted to save money on a ring and so that's why we're using it. (Note: I was *very* close to my grandmother so it is quite an honor for me, also.) However, I *really* don't like gold and am mildy allergic to it. I now take it off at night and that stops me from having a reaction, but if I leave it on for a couple of days straight, my finger starts to itch. I cannot wear gold earring for the same reason. I recently found the wedding ring of my dreams! It kind of shaped like and infinity symbol with lots of diamonds -- but there's a problem with it. It's platinum, which I love. Also, the shape of it really prohibits wearing an engagement ring with it like any kind of a wrap or whatever. So, what do I do? Can I just not wear my engagement ring after I get married? My FH thinks that's horrible and that people won't think that I'm married. However, my mother does not wear an engagement ring with her band and my grandmother did not even wear this ring except for special occasions. What should I do? Is this really as blasphemous as my FH says?

A:We had a situation very similar to this. When Jason proposed we really did not want to spend a lot of money on an engagement ring. FMIL had a ring that was a diamond band in silver that she had intended to give to Jason someday, so that is what he gave me. It was beautiful and I loved it. I am allergic to silver, though. I had to take the ring off everynight and I still broke out in hives. It got so bad at one point that not only did my finger break out but my palm and other fingers did also. I switched the ring to my other hand only to have the same thing happen. I eventually had to just stop wearning it and it broke my heart. So we just went out and got me a new diamond ring. A more traditional one... half a carat solitiare in white gold because I'm not allergic to it and (to me) it looks just like silver. So we are now going to use the diamond band of FMIL as a wedding band and we are going to have the whole thing reset in white gold. That way it looks exactly the same, only it won't make me break out. Maybe you could have your grandmother's ring reset in the exact same style as it is now only in platinum so that you won't break out and it will match the ring that you love so much? I don't think it is so bad if you don't wear your engagement ring... almost all of the women I work with wear only their bands. They have fancy diamond bands (most are the type that another ring cannot be worn with) and only wear their engagement rings on special occasions. Maybe you could wear your grandmothers ring on another finger or on the other hand after the wedding? An engagement ring has nothing to do with being married. Actually an engagement ring has nothing to do with being engaged either, except as a symbol. You can be engaged and/or married without any kind of jewelry whatsoever. I know many women who don't wear or didn't even have engagement rings and no one thinks they aren't married because they wear a wedding ring only. I could see your FH's point (maybe) if you didn't want to wear a wedding ring, but to say people won't think you're married if you're wearing a wedding ring and not an engagement ring is just plain silly. It seems to me like there might be another issue here for your FH that he isn't bringing up. FWIW, I don't wear my engagement ring except for special occasions. I found when I was working that I would get the ring caught on the lining of my camera bag frequently. Because of that, I opted for a plain gold band as my wedding ring, and I now wear my engagement ring on my right hand only when we go out.

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