Effectiveness Training Book ?

Q: Helping new 9th grader adjust to high school? do you know Leadership effectiveness training book ? Our 14yo son spent his entire educational life in a small, nurturing Montessori school. Now he is in the local public high school, most of his classes are Honors level, and he is having serious culture shock. He's not getting his homework done right or on time (in his last schook there was very little emphasis on homework so the habit was never "set"). He is capable of doing the work, but can't seem to find the inner motivation. What can we do to help him? He isn't failing anything, but he is doing much less than he is capable of. Taking away privileges doesn't seem to do the trick. The only thing so far we've found to even get a spark of concern is we told him unless he got C or better on his midterms he would not be allowed to participate in our Halloween Haunt this year (we do it up big... fog machines, animatronics, etc). THAT scared him, but obviously not enough to make him remember his books this morning -- we found them in the living room after he left for school.

A: -. He is disturbed by his situation, and he doesn't need your shit about it. And if he WASN'T disturbed by his situation, then he isn't even BRIGHT enough to improve ANYWAY! So in either case, it's his job, NOT yours. He is probably simply not more than a C student, and your pride is going to relegate him to feeling he is bad defective, and horrible, instead of happily average!! Schools that give a child false belief in their ability do them no favors. Building self-esteem is done by struggle WITH teachers who will not LET you fail, not teachers who let you fail and pretend that you didn't, as in so many of these upscale high-priced private schools. Beware the private profit motive!! It encourages fluff and appearance and lies that are pleasing rather than substance, and meanwhile they bank your money like Ferengi's. -Ask him what HE thinks you should do about it. Does he see the problem? He's old enough to have the solution himself. Try the "active listening" game. It's hard to describe very well in a simple "note" here. It goes something like this: You say to him, "I see you are having a problem with xyz." He'll answer. You echo back (using your own words) what you hear him saying. "You're feeling lost." He answers. Etc. At no time do you tell him what you THINK he thinks, only what you HEAR him saying. You can get a book about this used and super cheap of amazon.com "Leadership effectiveness training", it's called. Try it. eader Effectiveness Training L.E.T.: The Proven People Skills for Today's Leaders Tomorrow -- by Thomas, Dr. Gordon, Dr Thomas Gordon; Hardcover Buy new: $16.07 -- Used & new from: $3.49 He feels like he will fail, so he's making sure of it, perhaps. Also, back off on the academic push. Put him in "regular" classes, if he thinks that will help. Get him talking. He has the answers in him, you need to help him find those answers. He's not going to be bullied or disciplined into it at this age. He needs to find the answer himself. ANd he needs you to help him find it.

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