Anyone Can Help Me In Debt Settlement Problems, In California ?

Q: anyone can help me in debt settlement problems, in California ? Whew...where to start. About 6 weeks ago, my wife who I've been with for 18 years, announced to me, after about 8 months of a friendship with a girl that seemed "strange" to me, that she is, and always has been, gay. She's not been staying at our home anymore, and we've done a lot of talking. We have a 9 year old daughter, who we both agree will stay with me, hopefully in the house we bought a little over a year ago. We have a substantial amount of debt, but we seem to be in agreement as far as who will continue to pay what, and what each of us will keep. We have a new car, which she has taken, and has agreed to continue paying for. We have a second mortgage, which was used to pay for half the car and some bills off, which is automatically deducted from her paycheck each week, and which she has agreed to be responsible for. We have several credit cards, which we agree the account will be closed, and I will continue to pay the balances off. Luckily, I have a relative who has agreed to help me make the mortgage for at least a year. We still care about each other a lot, I think that comes with real love and 18 years of life together. We just want the three of us to survive this and come out as ok as we can. I told my wife that I want to do the divorce soon, because I need to begin trying to get better, and it feels so wrong that she is living this new life while still legally married to me, and she pretty much understands those feelings. Even though I'm terrible hurt and devastated by this shock, I love her, and always will, and I know she loves me too. We've been together a very long time, and have been through a lot together. I realize its not her fault the way she is, and while I'm extremely hurt and scared, I have no animosity towards her. I hate what's happened. I don't hate her. Apparently she reallized she was gay in her early teens, was caught in a relationship with a girl by her Mother, and then forced to marry at 17 years old. She ran away from that marriage, and it was annuled. She felt so "dirty", and "bad", she made a promise to herself to become "normal". Then she met me. She said that it finally caught up with her, and she loves me dearly, but just cant fake it anymore. My questions: 1. What can we expect to happen financially as far as the house? We want my daughter and I to stay in it, yet we have no idea what must happen legally. We don't want to be told we have to sell it, yet I wouldn't qualify for the loan on my own. When we bought the house, the garage was converted into a full apartment, and I can convert it back for around $2,000.00, and reduce my payment to an amount that I can handle. I would do this after the year of assistance from the relative I mentioned. We don't want our daughter to have to deal with her parents divorcing, AND loose her home, friends, and school too. We're definetly not out to screw each other, in fact, in a way, were both very willing to work things out in any way which will allow our credit to not be destroyed. Will they force us to sell the house? Will I loose it because of the fact that we will be divorced, and I wouldn't qualify on my own? I can make the payments, I just wouldn't qualify because my income wouldn't be enough on its own. You all probably know what I mean. 2. What should we do with the credit cards? Can I just close the accounts, and continue to pay on them, and then have each one of us establish our own accounts after the divorce? 3. What about custody? Will they allow us to decide that I have custodial custody on our own? Neither one of us want to have forced shared visitation. We both want out daughter to live with me full time, and visit Mom, or have Mom visit whenever they want. We don't want a court telling us our girl HAS to be with Dad this week, and Mom the other week, etc, etc. 4. Taking this all into account, what's the best way for us to initiate the divorce? Attorney's we think will really pressure us into splitting everything, and getting what's coming to each of us, and as crazy as it sounds, neither one of us are after that. We believe we can work out what's fair to US on our own. Mediator? Do It Yourself Paralegal type service? We don't want to go broke doing this, but I have no idea what, given our feelings towards each other, and how we want to handle things as far as finances and custody which route to take. I hope someone can give me some information on this. I'd rather not have to get involved with Attorneys if we can avoid it. We live in California, I almost forgot to mention that, and I know it matters. Thanks in advance for any help. If you can reply via email, that would be great.

A: -We have about 100,000 in equity after only a year. Neither my soon to be X nor I want to sell the house now though. We both feel its important for our daughter to not loose her Mom and her home and friends all in one swoop. Our hope after a year or so, is that we either then sell the house, or I buy her out and keep it. Dont know if thats possible though, since while I could make the payment, I wouldnt qualify for a new loan on my own. But for the time being, neither one of us is after "our share". We just want the three of us to survive this, and move on. Actually, we can close the accounts just as any other married couple could. I meant to inply that we are both willing to close the accounts prior to the divorce. -The above is not true. The accounts can be closed at any time by one member. This will jot change the amount due; that will still be a "community debt", but closing the accounts can keep either party from adding more charges. I would certainly consider doing that much; my ex ran up considerable charges on our joint credit cards before I got the accounts closed.

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