Divorce Help Needed???
Q: I have never posted to this ng before; I just found it. I am in need of legal advice from a divorce lawyer who knows Illinois divorce law. I have a divorce lawyer, but she doesn't seem to be much of an advocate. After 15 months, she doesn't seem to be protecting me from my crazy, codependent, gold-digging wife. Based on what I've told my therapist (so this is obviously my story), she believes my wife has a Borderline Personality Disorder. Bottom line is she was driving me crazy and bankrupt. There were paranoid accusations (mostly unfounded), frequent wakings on work nights at 2am (more accusations), sometimes based on her dreams, and things that she claimed were disappearing, revenge for these accusations, credit cards in my name maxed out, and we weren't conjugal anymore, and on and on. I'm still trying to get untangled from her. I've been seeing a therapist regularly, going to CoDA meetings, following all of my lawyers instructions, and generally trying to pay off all the debts and rebuild my life. I had been locked out of my condo. for 8 months (order of protection for a bogus domestic violence charge, which I beat in court and have since had my only arrest expunged) before regaining possession. Unfortunately, about 9 months before leaving her, in order to prove that I really wanted to make the marriage work (4 and 1/2 years of marriage, but 19 years of relationship), I made a big mistake. I filed a quit claim deed, adding her to my deed, and thereby giving her half of the condo. Now I have to refinance to settle and buy out her share. Boy, do I kick myself for that! My lawyer called several days ago to inform me that my wife will be evicted from her apartment. We have no children. She took all the furniture. I gave her $10,000 of stock around the time I added her to the deed. By the way I teach English in a high school, so my funds are limited. She maxed out two credit cards which I've been paying off for the past 15 months, left a sizable unpaid electric bill, damaged the carpeting which I replaced before moving back in. And, of course, I had to buy a new bed and bathroom stuff (she even took the shower rod, cork screws, etc., and now her lawyer is planning on asking for maintenance. I can barely pay my bills and the several hundred dollars each month to pay down the debt. I feel like my lawyer is not doing enough to protect me from this succubus. Why must I continue to be dragged down because my kindness was taken for weakness by my wife, and the law sees me as being competent and responsible, so I continue to have this additional liability? She never really worked. Called herself an image consultant, did stand-up comedy at local clubs, entered beauty pageants, but never earned any money in all the years we were married. She won't work for anyone, and certainly not at any job you have to report to in the morning, like most of us have to do. Illinois is a no-fault state, so the fact that she was literally driving me crazy (situational depression), that she had a boyfriend, and that she was physically abusive (no I did not file charges), doesn't even factor into this according to the law. I
A: Sorry to see this happening to you. But you're not likely to find any specific legal advice, just some ideas, sympathy and practical advice. Stick around, take what you like, and leave the rest.